Okay guys <3 I've decided to start a new xanga. I'm letting cynical_stitch float by itself.

it's

http://www.xanga.com/xrainbow_stitchesx

Take care <3

True love: It can be true brother/sister love, meaning related by mind, spirit, and emotion. True love can also be true lust love, meaning you're in love with one's body so deep, it doesn't matter what mind they have or who they love, as long as you fuck them. True love can also be...well, romantic love. I guess we all know what that is, but it's really hard to come by and easy to mistaken for brother/sister love and lust love. Sometimes I feel like there is no true romantic love, that we just let our minds believe it so.

Marriage and Family: If you ever feel you have brother/sister love with someone, I don't think you should marry them. What I mean by that is...you relate with someone so much, both of you are almost like. That's okay sometimes if you don't have kids, but sometimes when you fall in true romantic love, you can't describe the love because...it's just not there. Not because it's brilliant, or moving, or heart stopping, it's just this contentment for being near them, though they have horrible faults that anger you, or upset you.

Soulmates: I feel sometimes that soulmates are the people...you can just start talking randomly to about anything, and they can do the same to you without feeling uncomfortable or distressed. There are so many insecure people in the world, like me for example, and everyone needs these comfort zones. Soulmates are like...I don't know. There's a few people I can name in my life I feel are soulmates, but I'm sure won't be here for me for my whole life.

Virginity: I pray, whoever I lose it to, no matter if a lover or friend, is someone I can imagine myself being near my whole life. I feel virginity shouldn't be lost out of insecurity or pressure, but out of the right moment and comfort. Right now, I've been having issues with virginity and my friends, and alot of people think I shouldn't care...but I honestly do though, and I hate caring. I really think it is a big thing and it's a true body connection, I swear. I feel even dumb to say that when I lose my virginity, I hope it's someone who is a virgin, or has the same feelings towards me as I do with them.

I'm shaking like hell right now, I dunno what to do...

I love you guys.

Hail the highways for our busy world
Praise birth control for our baby girls
Enjoy fine dining at our drive-thrus
Thank God for the saying: "Don't call us, we'll call you."

There's a high price for being healthy and fit
There's a lot of newly weds that don't commit
There's a certain kind of look we all look for
And we're always searching for more

God Bless America...
As we've known it
God Bless America...
As we've blown it all to hell
God Bless America...
Our pride does shine...
With our loyalty...
And hate combined

Skinny "fat" chicks throwing up in the bathroom
Rich corporations with poor folks who consume
Underground racists at the top of the chain
And a lot of sad teenagers diagnosed insane

There's a homeless man laying out on the street
There's a virgin and a rapist at their first meet
There's a drive-by shooting going down in town
Does this make our nation go round?

God Bless America...
We see you through
As we wear out the....
Red, white, and blue
God Bless America...
Our pride does shine...
With our loyalty...
And hate combined

Subconcious segregation,
From the past of seperation.
Eating disorders from media,
Binging, anorexic, bulimia.

I'm working on it...I don't feel I have enough to really say as a teenager though.

I did my swim meet Relays at Blue Springs today.

Yesterday did my Orchestra Concert, we got a 2.

---------------------------------------------------------------

People I feel that have let go of me:
Tim and Talia

People I need and I'm without at this moment:
Eli, Kayleigh, Tim, and Rami

People I've lead on:
Sloan, James, Glen, and Sara T.

People I try/want to ignore:
Sloan, Sara T., Tim and Amanda M.

People I consider friends right now:
Heather, Jackie, Caitlin P., Ashley, Nakiya, Alex, Rami, Eli, Tiara, Chantel, Maggie, Lucas, Tree, James, Jarred, Samantha, Jessica, Sara, Nicole Wagger., Liz, and Kortney.

People I want to be good/better friends with:
Amanda M., Andy, Nicole C., Tree, Caitlin, Eric, Talia, Whitney, Davina, Amie, there's alot more...

People I feel that I annoy/weird out:
Jason, Shaleah, Lin, Talia, Kennth, Davina, Amanda M., Audra, Whitney, Tim, and a majority of the theatre upperclassmen...

People who annoy me sometimes:
James, Cameron, Chantel, Alex, Jarred, and a majority of freshmen...

People who I feel that try to ignore me:
The majority of white freshmen and the majority of CODE.

People that I hate/love:
Kayleigh and Amanda M.

I really needed to get that out of my system. You'd be surprised of how much people mean to me...

Take care.

Yeah...I wonder if people come by to my xanga and ask themselves...

"Why is she always depressed?"

She, referring to me.

I had an okay day. CODE, awesome, but...Too much to do and think about for Extempore, which is a small thing.

I think maybe next year, I shouldn't do Extemp at all.

But hey, I'll still be in theatre. Extemp is just...a damn hassle.

I'm also wondering...what to do to really promote myself in order to have more friends, or feel more secure, because like... Almost every day, at least once or thrice, I just get horribly paranoid and want certain people to be my friends, but can't talk to people, and I care too much about what others think... Right now, I sort of feel like people are talking about me behind my back...I hate that feeling honestly, but hell, who doesn't get talked about behind their back? I mean, it could just be: "Oh...she's an annoying freshman." And I'd still be sort of sad about that... that's what I think it said more often about me, that I'm annoying. I take things too seriously and I'm really hyperneurotic...and my brain...for some reason hasn't been working so well lately. I have serious short term, or I'm just horribly stupid.

Yeah, daily paranoia ;D

Go out into the world and conquer with my thoughts. <3

Gentle, smiling, broken face
Losing color, ready to brace
Brittle toes carress the floor
Prepared to dance right out that door

Twirl the veil of skin and bones
Feel the warmth of being home
Let thy beauty become thy age
Of finally breaking out of that cage

Yellow teeth, glassy eyes,
Always sweet, awfully shy,
We remember you this way
And always will every day

Dearest will you always be remembered

Dream of now...Dream of then...

Dream of a love song, that might've been...

I won't stop singing these lyrics. Oh well.

My heart won't stop hurting, I really need to be held, no one can ever do that for me, can they?

I'm sorry.